We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
