so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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