i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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