Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
