I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
