It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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