I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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