Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
