if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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