Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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