so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
