Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I could make wine with my vomit
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
