I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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