This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just cropdusted the office
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my shit smells like andre
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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