Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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