Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize