oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
