You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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