Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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