My balls are so social today.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
FUCK WHALES
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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