So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
