We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
