they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
