just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
