I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
only you would photoshop your dick
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
