Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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