I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
