i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
