I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
