Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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