did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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