you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
