It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
