you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
