There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
