Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize