the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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