I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I need water and some morals
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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