Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
