and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
