Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
