Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize