Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
