I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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