what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
