Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
