I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
