I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
