just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I can't turn off my feet"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
