my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
