i'm signing you up for texting rehab
its not stalking. its research.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
