He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
