i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just puked most of my soul out..
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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