I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
God, I missed his penis.
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