; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
