why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
