so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
