do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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