Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
His nipple licking is glorious
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