Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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