I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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