literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize