Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Sober January is a disaster.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
