I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
