I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
