at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
