apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
