Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
