sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
