I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize