I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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