Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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