come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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